Congratulations! You're unfit for human socialization!

Being able to go out in public is not a right, it's a privelage. Therefore, those deemed unfit for socialization should be kept in a dimly lit area and only allowed human contact when it's feeding time.

Overcome with a brief period of stupidity, I decided to go to the mall today. On a Saturday. When every other nimrod and their family is there as well.

After my "Saturday Mall" experience, I have come up with a few simple rules/guidelines/tips for people to follow, so I don't feel an urge to put my foot in their ass.

1. Just because there are 5 of you shopping together, does not mean that you can walk through the mall and take up the WHOLE walkway. Just to let you know, other people would like to get by you, and did not previously plan to encounter the red coats marching down to centre court.

2. Do not glare at me if I am trying on clothes and you are waiting for a change room. If you are in that much of a rush that you can't wait 5min for me to try on a pair of pants, then feel free to strip down in the middle of the store and try on your potential purchases there. Besides, glaring at me will make me angry and cause me to move extra slowly so as to infuriate you even more.

3. Strollers are not a weapon. I have never seen an advertisement for a stroller where they also let their customers know that the front end of it can double as a cow catcher. If you want to hit the back of my legs with your stroller REPEATEDLY then I want to kick you in the shins with my pointy shoes.

4. Sales don't always save you money. I actually witnessed a women today, who spent an extra $50 so that she would save $30. Then she proceeded to argue with the sales lady because she didn't really want that extra $50 item, but she really wanted $30 off. And I would really like a unicorn. But guess what, it's not going to happen. Stop wasting everyones time and just buy the shit.

5. Nobody wants to witness your DD in the middle of the mall. If you think your husband is a jackass because he is questioning your vacation plans, tell him at home. Don't stand in the busiest section of the mall, blocking traffic, and yelling at the top of your lungs. People who act like this in general should be shot. They're wasting our air.

On a happier note, I managed to get a new fall wardrobe. If I had had a taser with me while I was shopping, it would have made the experience a lot more enjoyable though.

Just when you thought you could go to sleep...

Are you scared of monsters under the bed? Worried that something might "get you" while you're sleeping?

Well, fear no more! Armor of God PJs are here to save us all!

Seriously people, come on.